i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
