I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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