i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
