You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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