maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
