I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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