I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im part way to drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
