Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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