He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
