a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this just has baby written all over it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
