lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
