I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
