i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
