Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
