Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My dad is sitting where you rode me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
