I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
