apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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