Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
