my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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