How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
