i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
