Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
