uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
