don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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