I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
