...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
