Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
