we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize