so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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