didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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