wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
