I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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