yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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