Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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