She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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