He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
be right there i have to get my cape
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
