I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
