I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize