weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
