There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
