I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
