You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
