3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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