I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
