Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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