Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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