I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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