My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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