she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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