They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
