Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
