As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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