i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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