You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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