yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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