everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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