Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
