Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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