Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
