Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
