dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
