i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
be right there i have to get my cape
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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