i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
