She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
