The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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