we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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