he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
