I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
