those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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