And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
