So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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