He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
